Give Me One Day Longer | AU Event | Closed

[un_wir_greywaren]

Who: Ronan Niall Lynch and Richard Gansey III
What: Waking up, end of the AU event.
When: Nov 23rd, early morning.
Where: Gansey's bed.
Warnings: Language, for sure. Possible nudity, mostly emotions. Kissing.

~*~


There had been an insanely vivid dream about doors and voices and two Ronan's who stood face to face, but had looked so very different from each other. One with hair, the other without. One warm and docile for the most part. The other venomous and cold, like a snake. He'd hated being called that, but it made sense to him now. They were both him. He could feel himself looking at the other from both sides as if he were two Ronan's, whole and broken at the same time. The voices were his own, a jumble of thoughts and memories, some less clear than others. And the doors. They'd all closed, slammed, leaving only one option. 

Ronan turned away from himself, left the hair behind, the warmth and docile heart, and opened his eyes.

At first, he wasn't sure what he'd dreamed and he wasn't sure he could move even if he tried. It hadn't felt like that sort of dream at all. Real, but not his dream world. He peeked out through his eyelashes, half expecting Gansey to be gone like his hair. His head was much cooler than he remembered it being when Gansey had sifted his fingers through his curls. His heart ached and his eyes burned. He remembered everything as if he'd lived an entirely different life and then had been dropped back into this one.

The one here Niall Lynch was dead and he had no hair.

The one where he and Gansey were friends. Just friends.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and thought of everything they had said to each other, the nights spent kissing, the racing, the smiles, the touches. He didn't want to forget. He didn't want it to end. So he watched Gansey sleeping, so very close and warm, possibly still in a world where he wanted to be with Ronan. Until it occurred to him that this may be his last chance, his last kiss, his last moment with Gansey right by his side and the first thing he saw in the morning.

Gansey would wake up and realize the truth.

Ronan very carefully pushed up onto his arm, leaning over Gansey to admire his relaxed lips still kiss swollen from their last kiss, eyelashes touching his skin, hair a complete mess. So completely unguarded and unaware of the reality waiting for him when he opened his eyes.

"I love you." He spoke softly and pressed a kiss to Gansey's lips. 

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[affection_for_research]

Sleep was a rarity for him. Between college, work, his other job... Being away from Gotham made easier for some things, mostly the ones related to masks and beating up criminals, but that didn't make it less rare. He still had insomnia. Still dreamed of hornets and his sister's screams. He still woke up, heart in his throat, skin burning as he fought back tears and grief.

Or he had until things had changed with Ronan.

Nights spent racing and laughing, sharing stories and kisses, had tamed the nightmares. For the first time in his life, he slept soundly. No dreams of his family. No need to find some outlet for the restless energy that had plagued him for years. He slept, content and warm, curled up against his boyfriend.

Part of him was still wired to be aware of his surroundings, but any movement was labeled as Ronan. Even being watched didn't ping the instincts connected to Ghost. It was simply Ronan. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to force him into consciousness.

Instead movement earned a grumpy, sleepy sound as Gansey burrowed into the covers and the warmth of Ronan. He slurred out something that might have been a protest at the mere hint of waking. Until he felt warm, soft pressure against his lips. Even mostly asleep, he responded to the kiss. Breath catching between them, hands searching, odd flickers of memory sliding through his dreams as he slowly drifted toward consciousness.

[un_wir_greywaren]

It was a strange combination of familiar heat in happiness and painful longing for something he thought he'd never have when Gansey kissed him, began touching him. He breathed him in and caught his lips again, deepening the kiss. He wanted to slide in closer to him, pick up where they left off only a few short hours before.

Fuck. He loved Gansey. He loved him and he didn't want to let go. Not again. He didn't want to lose him. So he kissed him like it would be their last, but let himself hope that some part of what he remembered Gansey would remember. His heart pounded desperately in his chest and he felt the tears fall.

He'd denied himself the chance to tell Gansey how he felt and then things had changed and he couldn't tell Gansey when his heart was broken and his family torn apart. He hadn't stopped loving him, he simply didn't believe there was anything left in him to offer Gansey. None of that mattered now. He'd give Gansey all the broken pieces of himself if it meant this moment wouldn't end.

[affection_for_research]

Bits of dreams encouraged Gansey to deepen the kiss even as his mind tried to catch up with his body. He was caught up in sensation. Smooth skin beneath his hands. The taste of Ronan on his tongue. It dragged him steadily toward wakefulness while something strange happened to his thoughts.

Racing the Pig collided with dreams of always keeping his foot restrained on the accelerator. Vid chats tangling with slammed doors and screamed insults. Nights full of grief and broken bones that were soothed by the sound of Ronan's voice.

The patchwork of memories and dreams didn't make sense so he ignored it in favor of kissing, kissing, kissing Ronan.

Until he felt wetness fell against his own skin. It took a second for Gansey to realize that Ronan was crying. Murmuring a reassurance into the kiss, his hands shifted from his boyfriend's sides to his neck. Fingers curling around one of the inked curves that graced shoulder and the side of Ronan's throat, he instinctively knew something was wrong. His fingers should be caught in silky curls, not brushing more bare skin.

He broke this kiss without realizing it, sucking in a breath as two lives collided. Gotham. His parents. Bruce. Evie. Ronan. Henrietta. Ronan. Niall. Noah. Adam and Blue. The potential of love lingering in letters and chats in Gotham. Unrequited feelings carefully boxed away in Henrietta.

He knew which version of Ronan Lynch was beside him. His heart thumped painfully with dread. This Ronan thought of him as family, not boyfriend. Except the kiss wasn't the type his Ronan would give him. Was it?

His fingers slid along Ronan's jaw, trembling slightly as Gansey tried and failed to place his emotions in the correct box to be hidden away. "Since you kissed me instead of punching me, I assume you're not angry," he whispered, afraid if he spoke too loudly the memories of Gotham would vanish completely.

[un_wir_greywaren]

The instant Gansey broke the kiss Ronan froze, unable to pull away and unwilling to move closer out of fear he'd find himself on the floor. All he could do was watch as Gansey pieced together the two halves of his world. Ronan didn't understand it, not completely. He'd barely opened his eyes and found himself on one side of himself. But it didn't matter if everything he remembered from before was a lie. He knew the time he'd spent with Gansey this week wasn't. It was real.

So was Gansey's touch. The trail Gansey's fingers left ached and his eyelashes fluttered against the desire to close, he leaned into it, craving more. A fat tear slipped to the tip of his nose and fell when Gansey spoke and risked everything to reach up and cover those trembling fingers with his own, holding them against his face.

"I kissed you, remember."

He hadn't missed his hair. Not once. Not until the moment when he could no longer feel Gansey's fingers in his curls. Now he felt naked without them. Exposed. There was nothing for Gansey to hold onto.

"I'm not sorry. I should have kissed you the very first time we met."

[affection_for_research]

Since he met Ronan, he'd learned all the little nuances of his moods and learned all the signs that would give him clues to how Ronan would react to certain situations. At first it'd been because they'd basically lived in each other's pockets, inseprable during Gansey's early months in Henrietta. After that it became survival instinct. He had to know how to read Ronan and his grief if he was going to keep Ronan together while he struggled to heal.

The tear wasn't something that Gansey expected. He'd witnessed Ronan cry only a few times and never over something like this.

Although this wasn't exactly a normal situation for them.

Letting out a steadying breath, he tried to think logically, to ignore the emotions that were trying to overtake his self control. "The kiss could have been from the other version of you." The one that had vid chatted with him for hours and had wanted to be his boyfriend.

Having those memories made it more difficult to sort through what Ronan had said, what it implied. "When we met?" No, Ronan hadn't had those types of feelings for him then. He couldn't have. "You weren't in love with me then."

[un_wir_greywaren]

"Maybe I wasn't completely in love with you in that moment, but I had wanted to kiss you then." It had been true. The first boy to catch his attention and then his heart. Declan had known right away. "I fell in love with you and I should have told you. I waited because it seemed right. To be sure and let things grow between us."

But then his feelings for Gansey had been shoved back behind the darkness and pain and whenever he thought about how much he loved Gansey he would see himself. Nothing left of the Ronan Gansey deserved.

"This week made me realized that it wasn't too late. I woke up and I remembered everything. Everything. The letters. The funeral. The way you kissed me. When I saw you standing by the Pig on the street. The look on your face when I gave you the dream Pig. The nights you sat up working on your Henrietta model. Everything."

He swallowed, voice tight with grief and the terrifying thrill of getting the chance to say it all, and gently pulled Gansey's hand closer to his lips so he could kiss it.

"I don't know what the fuck just happened to us, but it made me willing to risk everything for one last kiss. Even if it meant getting kicked out of your bed."

[affection_for_research]

"You wanted to kiss me then?" He mentally winced at the hopeful tone that crept into his voice. He shouldn't be hopeful. He shouldn't wish for things that had been impossible. That were impossible.

"I - " Gansey thought of Adam, of the happy life Ronan would have with him, and knew that he should lie. It'd be easy, he told himself. He could say something that would be a gentle denial, a nudge toward Adam and the happiness that he assumed they'd have. But he had one weakness that made him forget all his morals and the rules he'd lived by for years. Ronan Lynch.

"I know I shouldn't say this, but I've been in love with you almost since we met." He hated himself for it. Hated that this could hurt Adam, but he couldn't lie to Ronan. Ronan valued truth too much for Gansey to hide this in falsehoods. "I pushed it all aside when you moved into Monmouth." An easier marker of time than Niall's death or the funeral. "You needed me to be in another role then."

One that hadn't been necessary for the version of Gansey that lived in Gotham. One that could write silly, heartfelt letters to Ronan. That had spent hours on vid chats, hoping to see Ronan's smile. One that hadn't been forced to pretend while his heart broke over and over for the Lynch brothers and for what had been lost when Niall died.

Biting his lip when Ronan kissed his hand, he tried not to think of the easy smiles that he'd seen during the past week, smiles that he hadn't seen since Gansey first arrived in Henrietta. He'd seen something similar when Ronan had given him the dream Pig. A hint of who Ronan might be as he healed from his loss. "I don't know what happened, and I wanted that kiss. But you - you're supposed to be with Adam."