Out Here Alone [OTA]

[forleaving]

Who: Adam Parrish and you!
What: Daily life
When: Dec 9th/10th
Where: Various places around Wechester
Warnings: Dated views on being gay

a. I'm sending a raven

Working was a good way to distract himself from things. In this case, he had a lot on his plate, even if it'd been over a week. There was always something to be done at the hardware store, and he was busy stocking shelves right now, moving merchandise from boxes to shelves. It was almost enough to make him forget about what had happened the previous month all together. Almost.

Pushing his emotions down and putting on his best customer service smile when he heard footsteps approaching, he offered a friendly, "Hello, can I help you find anything?" before actually looking over to see who was there.

b. Black bird in the sky

He'd just gotten off shift at work at the hardware store and was going to run some miscellaneous errands when he caught sight of one of the new posters. It had to be new because he didn't remember seeing one before and he was pretty sure Wechester didn't have a ski resort. Stopping to study the poster, he squinted at the poster, reading it carefully, and did a double-take when he reached the blurred out portion of it. Something wasn't right about it, and the longer he looked the worse he felt about everything, but he still couldn't read the blurred part. The blur even seemed to shift and move, like it was alive, which was a lot more unsettling than a simple poster with a hard to read section.

His head started to twinge and ache, and he looked away abruptly, blinking rapidly. That didn't make the headache go away, and he felt distinctly like he'd just walked through the security system at the original Barns. Wrapping his arms around himself, he tried to suppress a shiver. His mood, already low, had plummeted, and he couldn't explain why beyond the poster he'd been looking at.

Still, that didn't stop him from glancing back at the poster and then looking around. "Excuse me," he said to someone, anyone, "But does that poster look weird to you?"

c. Sending a signal that I'm here

There were few things that felt more natural and normal than working on cars. It was soothing in a way, and better at distracting himself from things that stocking shelves was. He was dressed for the job, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, grease smeared across one cheek, hands dirty. He had a rag nearby for when his hands got too grimy, but he was currently working under a hood, happy as a pig in mud.

Except when he heard someone approaching and looked up too fast, slamming his head into the underside of the hood. "Dammit." He dropped his tools, taking a slightly off balance step back and reaching up to feel the top of his head. The skin hadn't broken, but it sure was tender.

d. Some sign of life [for Tobias]

After packing a small lunch for two, a pair of sandwiches, apples, and bottles of water, into a backpack, Adam set out on his motorcycle to Tobias's meadow. Or rather, his tree, specifically. He parked by the road, hanging his helmet off the handlebars, and headed up to the tree, looking around.

"Tobias?"

Comments

[forleaving]

Jogging back to his motorcycle, Adam slid on and followed Tobias down the road. His amusement grew the closer they got to the Barns, but it was also tinged with a little bit of dread. He'd purposely left the house today, but he guessed a barn wasn't the house itself.

Parking beside the barn, he pulled his helmet off and looked up at where Tobias was. "I live here," he said.

[bluetailedhawk]

Tobias managed -- barely -- not to blurt the first question that came to mind. Instead, he opted for option number two: no less awkward, and probably the more uncomfortable option for poor Adam. <With Ronan? Is he your brother or something? You don't look anything like him.> He has no idea how far he just shoved his talon into his beak.

[forleaving]

Adam might have preferred option number one. The amused expression fell from his face as he set his helmet aside and went to open a barn door, replaced with something bitter and a little sad. "With Ronan, and another friend," he said. "But he's not my brother. It's complicated."

[bluetailedhawk]

Tobias didn't miss the way Adam's expression changed, but he didn't push his luck, fluttering down from the roof to follow Adam inside. <How complicated can roommates be?> he asked with a little chuckle, and hopped up onto an overturned bucket. <He seemed nice. A little rough around the edges, but nice.>

[forleaving]

Adam wanted to laugh, but he didn't. Tobias had no idea how complicated things could be. "How good are you at keeping secrets?" Not that this was a secret, but he didn't want his personal life plastered everywhere.

"And he is nice. He's an asshole sometimes, but you can trust him," he added, sliding out of his backpack straps once he was inside the barn.

[bluetailedhawk]

It took every ounce of Tobias' willpower not to reply with scathing sarcasm. In fact, Adam was met with several moments of silence before he finally managed a reply. <I fought a war against brain parasites where spilling the beans to literally anyone could've gotten me killed. I'm still alive.>

Humans.

[forleaving]

He nodded. That was good enough for him. Looking down, he unzipped his backpack and started pulling out the contents, setting the wrapped sandwiches on a nearby shelf.

"Ronan's my boyfriend. Except he isn't here because, apparently, he's from a different point in time and doesn't remember being my boyfriend," Adam started. "Actually, everyone I know is from a different point in time, which makes no sense." He had a lot of theories about how that worked, but he couldn't prove any of them.

"As if that's not complicated enough, he recently told me he's in love with our best friend who lives with us. Like Gansey doesn't have enough." He was getting upset, but he still set the apples down gently. Really, he should be talking to someone like Blue about this, but he assumed she didn't know, and he knew she loved Gansey. He didn't want to make her sad.

[bluetailedhawk]

Tobias was silent as Adam spoke, talons shifting a little as he processed the information before opening his beak and sticking his talon in it yet again.

<Recently as in when things were weird?> he asked. <And who's Gansey? He sounds British.>

[forleaving]

"Yeah. I don't know if this place changes how we feel about people, because I still felt the same way about Ronan, so..." So he assumed that Ronan really was in love with Gansey, which felt like a kick in the stomach, all things considered.

"Gansey's not British, he's just rich. And handsome, and talented." He continued, while lining the water bottles up on the shelf. "He's our other roommate."

Maybe he shouldn't have been so surprised. Ronan and Gansey had known each other before Adam had come along; they had plenty of time to fall in love. He didn't even know how Gansey felt about all of this, but it didn't matter much if Ronan was in love with him, did it? Even if they didn't get together, Adam was left with the knowledge that Ronan loved Gansey but had never told Adam he loved him.

[bluetailedhawk]

<That only makes him sound more British,> Tobias teased, albeit gently, watching as Adam put out the meal. <I'm not sure I'd know if it changed the way I felt, but if it made people have different memories, then of course they'll have different feelings, too. Give it a little time.>

[forleaving]

"Are British people usually rich, handsome, and talented?"

Tobias had a point though. Maybe Adam was jumping to conclusions because he'd never really had anything good in his life before Ronan, and now he was sick with worry that it would all disappear, that he'd be cast to the sidelines yet again. There was also something to be said, though, for the fact that Ronan hadn't disputed anything he'd said when things had been weird. It didn't help that Adam had been sort of avoiding talking about anything that had happened, either.

Taking a deep breath, he held it for a moment before exhaling. "You're right." He just loved Ronan so much, he couldn't bear the thought of not being with him. "I'm sorry for dumping all of this on you," he added.

[bluetailedhawk]

<The ones that end up on American TV are,> he replied lightly, hopping off his bucket and going to settle himself next to Adam instead of so far away. <If he's still in love with this Gansey guy in a couple weeks, I can fly by and poop in his hair for you,> he offered with entirely too much cheer. <It's been way too long since I did that to someone.>

[forleaving]

"That won't solve anything," he said with a sigh. "And I'm not that petty." But he appreciated the offer. It sounded like something a friend would do, if the friend in question was a bird. "I don't want anything bad to happen to either of them. I just..."

He just what? He cared deeply about both Ronan and Gansey, and he wanted both of them to be happy. He'd never been jealous of Gansey when it came to Blue, not like how he'd been upset for different reasons. Right now he felt jealous though. Jealousy and something he was scared to think about for too long, something that made his chest twinge and his throat feel tight. He pushed down the emotion, buried it under other things. It was better not to think about it; it would make things worse, more complicated.

"I don't blame Ronan for potentially being in love with Gansey, and it's not Gansey's fault, either. It's not like he forced Ronan to love him." After a moment, he added, "I just thought I'd finally found love that was all mine."

[bluetailedhawk]

<It's awfully fun, though,> Tobias replied reasonably. <And I need some target practice.>

The rest of what Adam says, though, has all the humor draining from him. When he spoke again it was quiet, almost distant. <At least he's still alive.>

[forleaving]

"Thank you for the offer." But no thank you, was what he meant.

"He is." But he almost hadn't been. Adam still remembered, vividly, when Ronan had been dying, when it had seemed like all hope was lost for a moment. "Some of us aren't so lucky. Gansey's died before, twice. There was an accident. I would have given anything to take his place," he said quietly. "But he recovered." It wasn't quite the truth, but he couldn't tell the truth right now. One way or the other though, he'd watched Ronan almost die and Gansey actually die.

[bluetailedhawk]

Yeah, he got the message. It was still a fun idea, thought.

<I'm glad it didn't stick,> he replied quietly. <Even if he's a boyfriend-stealing jerk, or whatever.>

[forleaving]

"Me, too." He sucked in a deep breath. "Technically he's not stealing my boyfriend, because Ronan isn't my boyfriend here. But here..." he laid a hand over his heart. "...it still feels like he is. They're not doing anything wrong. I told myself I wouldn't influence Ronan or make him feel obligated to choose me again. I didn't think there would be anyone else though." He hadn't expected surprise 'I love Gansey' to be sprung on him.

"You know, Gansey's supposed to be dating my ex? They were very happy together, before this place."

[bluetailedhawk]

God, if that wasn't the saddest, sappiest thing Tobias had ever heard. <You didn't watch a single movie from the 80's, did you? If you want him, you gotta tell him. Or show him with a big, grand, incredibly cheesy gesture. Or like, win the football game for him or something.> He's not helping, he knows he's not helping, but maybe he'll coax out a smile or something.

<Okay, is there like a gay plague here or something? That's an awful lot of gay dudes.> He's trying to be lighthearted about it, but now he's Concerned. Is this some kind of gay paradise? Is he going to turn gay? Is he gay and just blissfully oblivious?







Can hawks even be gay?

[forleaving]

"He knows I love him," Adam said quietly. At the very least, Ronan knew he had feelings for him, and that Adam had expected him to be his boyfriend when he'd arrived here. "And I did make a gesture. That's when he told me about Gansey." Tobias was being sweet; Adam knew he was trying to help, but he couldn't quite manage a smile. He just kept thinking about that day in the kitchen.

"Excuse you," he said, more than a little indignantly. "Being gay is not a plague, and my ex is a lady."

[bluetailedhawk]

<Does he know, or does he know?> Tobias asked meaningfully. This friend thing was turning out to be an awful lot of work.

He leans back at the change in tone, fluttering his wings nervously. <Dude, it's literally a disease... and if you like girls, you should stick with them. Way less complicated.> But even he understood that you couldn't pick who you loved. Even if he was a bit behind the times. By over a decade.

[forleaving]

"I told him we were dating. I gave him flowers. What more do I have to do, get down on one knee and ask him to be mine forever?" Because trust him, the idea had crossed his mind before.

"Fuck you, it is not." He was two seconds away from packing up this entire lunch and calling it a day. "I know you're just a kid, but you're wrong."

[bluetailedhawk]

Tobias fluttered his wings, resisting the urge to do something Mean. That wouldn't help anyone in this situation. <I'm not a kid, I'm eighteen. And just because it's not a disease where you're from doesn't mean it's the same where I'm from,> he replied firmly.

[forleaving]

Well, that sure was something. Tobias didn't look or sound eighteen. Adam had made an assumption, and he'd been wrong.

"I refuse to believe there's a world out there where being gay is the same as catching a cold. It's insulting." Not to mention outdated and homophobic.

[bluetailedhawk]

<Right,> Tobias replied dryly. <Just pretending it doesn't exist is totally going to do... anything. Ever. Besides, I didn't say it was viral. It's a mental disorder.> He is well aware that he's got his talon halfway down his throat at this point, but the rollercoaster has already left the station and he's not jumping out now.

[forleaving]

"Jesus Christ." He was packing up the lunch now, there it went. "You sound like one of those terrible old ladies who tells everyone they're going to hell if they're not properly religious."