fluxscape | Closed; it was not ever meant to be a date

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Closed; it was not ever meant to be a date

Who; Biggs and Jean
Where; Jean's apartment
When; Friday (25th), evening
What; Biggs is returning the favor of booze ~~and actually bought glasses~~

CW: Violence and discussion thereof, and other terrible things in Jean's past

Against all odds and his better judgment, Biggs has actually settled into a routine in this place. Admittedly, it's taken some time to digest the fact that this is all real, that there isn't a way for him to return home, but he's got a steady job and he's even made some friends. He knows it's unlikely the locals will remember him when they move on to the next place, but for now, it was enough to keep him busy and his mind decidedly off those he'd left behind in his own world. Besides, he'd even made some good friends, or a friend at least, and that was where he was heading how that he'd stopped by the liquor store on the way to their apartments. Jean had supplied the booze the last time, and he owed her drinks.

And glasses, which he'd picked up too, on the way over. He has the glasses in a box tucked under his arm, the bottle of whiskey in a paper bag, and he knocks with his free hand.

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It was weird and confusing. Or maybe the weird part was that it was confusing. Jean really had no idea how to feel about her sudden loss of powers. It wasn't like it was the first time something like this had happened. Hell, the last time it'd really happened she'd chosen to wear the bracelet. It'd made everyone else feel safer and at that point in time she'd felt like it was the only way for her own friends to not be terrified of her. If she hadn't volunteered for it...well, she didn't really want to think about how messy things might have gotten.

That was an entire can of feelings worms that she didn't want to deal with though. There were too many complicated and confusing feelings tied up in that mess to ever properly deal with. Especially when combined with how weird she felt now in general. Normal, even for mutant standards, had sailed past her a long time ago. It sounded so cliché to say but she really had ended up in a position where it felt like nobody really understood her. Or maybe she just didn't understand them anymore. That was an even more terrifying thought.

Now there was a new layer to her confusion and feelings. There was anger, a weird indignant anger directed at both being trapped here and whatever took her powers. The weirdest part about that was she wasn't entirely sure where that was coming from. Was it from Jean or was it from the parts of the Phoenix she'd merged with? Jury was still out on that one. Then there was the part of her that found it kind of unnerving to not just know things, it was kinda like being naked and empty. Finally, there was a tiny part deep down that kind of found it...nice. She didn't have to worry about talking to someone only to hear their thoughts and realize everything they were saying was just a lie. She didn't have to focus a third of her attention on keeping her mind to herself. Everything was just quiet. She could even let herself think about what it'd be like to be surprised by a present for the first time since her powers manifested.

Which is exactly what happened when she heard the knock. She'd known he was coming but usually she'd know. It was weird to actually react to the knock by getting up after it to go open the door. When she opened it she had a tiny smile on her face but it was undeniable that she just looked tired. Funny that she still had nightmares even without the thoughts of others around. Really said a lot about her didn't it?

"Hey there," she stepped aside to let him come in. "How's it going?"

"It's going." He accepted her invite, following her inside her small apartment, placing the small parcel containing the glasses and the bag on the small table near her sofa, the same table they'd placed their mugs on the first time they'd met here. He turned toward her after unburdening himself, his expression concerned, but he didn't say anything as crass and telling her she looked tired. Instead he asked, earnestly, "How are you? I've hear some people talking about their abilities going weird, or just going. That's gotta be disorienting."

She followed behind him and sat down, folding her legs up and under each other tightly. There was a moment where she found herself wondering what he was thinking and she let out a heavy sigh and propped her chin in her hands at that.

"It's not the first time," she said with a shrug, her tired voice betraying that she wasn't too happy about it. "I knew what caused it the other times though. Kinda...had to choose it once."

He set about unpacking the glasses he'd purchased. They weren't anything fancy, just some inexpensive glass whiskey high ball glasses, but he hoped she'd appreciate the gesture.

"You had to choose it? Why?" It must be stressful, not knowing what was causing it this time, it was concerning him at least, but maybe a slightly different topic would be a distraction.

It was weird to think a psychic could be a bad liar, but Jean was actually a pretty bad liar. Or maybe she was just a bad liar right now because she felt so weird without her powers. So confused and just...lost. Either way she couldn't quite hide her uneasiness as she looked away at his question. The truth of what had led to her being asked to wear the power inhibiter was ugly. It wasn't something she regretted doing and maybe that was the worst part of it all. It also wasn't something she wanted to tell anyone here about. What if he became just as scared of her as everyone else had? Or what if he just saw her as a murderer after hearing about that? After all, murder was exactly what she'd done.

After a second of silence she shrugged. "The Professor and the other students were scared of me. I didn't want to fight and I didn't want anyone to be scared. It was the easier choice."

He went about pouring them drinks and unpacking the glasses (not in that order) as she hesitated and explained. Biggs wasn't one who was quick to pass judgement on anyone for the things they'd decided to do, or the things they'd felt they needed to do. He'd killed people, and many would have them innocent though Biggs didn't see them that way. Some people felt you had to work for Shinra, that there wasn't an alternative. It was likely his parents had, after all, why else would he be in their factory city? Still, he'd shot and killed Shinra security, bombed their reactors knowing innocent people could get hurt. His hands weren't clean, not by a long shot, but there was still an important distinction, not for his perception of her, but for hers.

"Were they scared of you for something you did or for something they thought you might do?"

For a moment she thought about telling him the truth, but something held her back. Maybe it was fear that he'd be afraid of her too or maybe it was just some weird amount of shame over what she'd actually done. She really wasn't sure which but before she could stop herself words came out that weren't exactly the truth. To be fair they weren't exactly a lie either.

"They were afraid of things I might do. The Professor thought the creature I heard talking to me, the Phoenix, wasn't real. He thought that the trauma of how my powers first manifested had caused me to imagine it. So, everyone else thought the same."

For all the words Jean said, there were several she didn't say. Biggs was a simple guy, he wasn't well-versed in the advent of gods and mortals or what their comings and goings may mean for the everyman, but he could tell when someone was skirting around something, and the way she phrased her explanation told him she was hiding something. He didn't get why, but he got that much.

"Was it? Real I mean?"

"I..." she rubbed the back of her neck and looked down. "Kind of. It's complicated. It's weird now though, now that I can't access my powers. I still feel some of it." Which was kind of the weirdest part of the entire thing. Somehow she still felt divided and just...cold. "Maybe I was just crazy."

"Wouldn't it make more sense if it was real? If...it's alive, a being, then your powers going away shouldn't make it go away...right?"

He was painfully aware his shaky logic may not hold any weight in regards to Jean's abilities, but something about it rang true.

"I don't think you're crazy, Jean."

"It's...yeah. It's real," she admitted with a sigh. "She kept coming to me all the time, saying that it was my destiny to accept her and one day I'd realize it. The Professor...." she bit down on her lower lip. "He found me in a psych ward. I'd...done a lot of damage to myself because I couldn't take it. I couldn't take the voices in my head and the firebird. She was beautiful but so much. It was terrifying. She was this being of fire like nothing I'd ever seen before. It was easy to believe I was just crazy. For a while he kept it away then..." She put her arms around herself and looked down.

"Really bad things started happening to us, mutants I mean. And it started coming back. This guy named Apocalypse showed up and started killing mutants, including some of my friends and destroying the city and a lot more. Nobody could stand against him and I finally said I'd accept it. Then..." she shrugged and pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin against them. "Turns out it was real. She's gone now and there's just me with all her power. We merged completely. I guess that's what she wanted, her power had been trapped on Earth and she wanted someone new to take the power of creation and return to the universe." At least that's as much as she understood of it. "I reversed everything. All the death and destruction and stopped him. Then I left. It's weird...even though I don't have my powers now I still feel...different. Not human."

There were admittedly a lot of things in that explanation he didn't understand, probably couldn't understand. He tried to follow along, but she was talking about gods and cosmic purpose. He didn't have to understand it all, though, to follow something profoundly changing had happened to her, that she was a person who was granted the powers of a god, and that god had become a part of her. He could understand that, in an abstract way, at least.

"Well, Jean, is this...do you enjoy this? Sitting around, sharing drinks with a friend? Because that's something normal people do, so I guess you're not all that different." Maybe he was off, but he was getting the impression she was harder on herself about the whole thing than she needed to be. "I mean, I'm just an orphan from Sector 5, so maybe I don't get the motivations of gods who merge with humans, but...it sounds like you're...you, and that that's okay."

"I might enjoy it. Just a tiny bit." She turned her head slightly to look over at him and gave him a little smile. At least she thought she did. A part of her definitely found it enjoyable. "You know, I'm not even sure how long I've been gone in my own world. A few months at least. I hadn't even thought about any of the others or of much of anything." That was so weird to think about now. How had she not even thought about them in all this time?

"Maybe an orphan from Sector 5 knows more than a god about being a regular person. All I know right now is that it's kind of nice that everything is quiet for a change."

"I'm sure even gods need a break sometimes." It was such a nebulous concept, 'gods'. What did it mean, anyway? Different things to different people, most likely. Planetologists like him believed the planet itself was a deity from which all life sprang, and the existence of Make proved that well enough. Did that mean all planets were gods? Were they created by even more powerful entities? Was that what the Phoenix was? Had something like it created his own? It was impossible for him to know, and pondering it didn't get him anywhere aside from completely overwhelmed.

He smiled at her response, nodding. "How about we take advantage of it, then? What's something you've always wanted to do, but hearing the thoughts around you made it difficult?"

And then, for the briefest of moments, memories so sharp and fresh flashed through his mind. There were voices, talking about killing them, there was rage, there was fire and death, and then Jean's living room was back, and he was sweating and panting and holding his head.

"...what the fuck?"

"Be surprised," she said with a tiny smile. "I haven't had a surprise for...I think ten years or more." And wouldn't you know it but fate seemed to decide that her surprise should be handed to her right then and there. He looked in pain and a lot of other emotions that she couldn't quite decipher. She could have if she'd had her powers but well...guess she missed them more than she thought.

"Are you okay...?"

Whatever had happened, it seemed to pass as quickly as it appeared, though the echoes were still present in his mind. They were vivid memories, filled with the thoughts of many men and he took a few moments to even sort them out.

"There was a plane, a big one, flying over a mansion. They were thinking...they could just bomb it, and get rid of the...the mutants that lived there. And then there was...a lot of rage, and fire...and...how did I see that?"

She blinked and then pulled her legs up into her chest and away from him. "That's..." she trailed off and looked away. "I don't know how you saw that. It's something that happened to me that...I did what was right." She said it like it was something she had to convince herself of and the truth was exactly that. Everything had changed after that. If people hadn't been afraid of her, they definitely were.

"They were going to kill us." But people kept bringing up how she'd killed them first. Suddenly she found herself really glad her own powers were gone right now. He was probably just as terrified as they'd been and it was nice to not know.

He shook his head, running a hand back over his hair, trying to sort out his thoughts. "I don't know. I thought your powers weren't working." His tone wasn't accusatory, just searching, trying to figure out what had just happened.

"I know." And there was a serious tone to his voice when he continued. "They deserved that. Some people are just doing their jobs, but they deserved it."

"They aren't..." she said quietly. "Thankfully." The word was muttered mostly to herself. She really didn't want to know what he actually thought of her after seeing that.

"They weren't just doing their job, they were going beyond that."

"Well, I don't know about where you come from, but on Gaia, we don't just share peoples' memories." He shook his head, focusing on how this was possible was more comfortable than thinking about what he'd felt. He'd killed people in the defense of what he loved, and he'd do it again. He didn't think anything less of Jean for doing it. If anything, he'd grown a greater respect for her than he'd had before. He'd had enough of people crowing about change and only really had the patience for people willing to make it happen.

Evidently, Jean was one of those people.

"I know...because you felt it." He looked over to her then, offering her a small smile, one that said 'I get it, and I don't judge you for it'. "I don't know how I know, but I know if I could do something like that, I would have too."

"We don't either. I mean...I can, but me and the Professor are kinda unique and..." she trailed off. She was rambling. Definitely rambling a lot to try to make up for how intensely awkward and just strange she felt.

"I'm sorry you felt it..." she bit down on her lower lip and kept her legs pulled to her chest. "Everyone else was upset about it. I think it was the real tipping point for everyone becoming afraid of me."

"But your powers aren't working, so that's not what's going on here." It wasn't forceful or accusatory, just a statement of fact. Facts helped Biggs keep things straight in his head, kept his anxiety from winning out when things got real. He was really falling back on that now.

He shook his head, earnestly meeting her eyes, provided they were raised in a way he could, and reached out, placing a hand on her knee. "Authorities are supposed to protect us, that's what they tell us, but when those authorities decide they're more loyal to something other than protection, there isn't a law to protect you from them. If you have the power to protect yourself and the people you love, then why wouldn't you use it?"

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Closed; it was not ever meant to be a date

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